Things to Know before Getting into a Relationship with Someone in a Sober House
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Although being in a sober house is not necessarily a bad thing, dating someone in recovery can be very challenging. If you are dating someone who needs a sober house or addiction treatment, there are some things that you need to know. According to the New York Times, relationships while in recovery are extremely difficult. It is important to know what to expect when dating someone in a sober house.
Know where their Recovery Effort is at
When dating an addict in a sober house, you should know how long they’ve been there and where they are in their recovery. This is important because if they are newly sober they are likely to have more issues than just dating.
Know their Emotional Availability
Some people in sober houses and recovery are emotionally unavailable and others are emotionally available. You will be able to tell their emotional availability by how they act. If they are guarded, they are usually emotionally unavailable.
Remember that there will be Uncertainty
Addicts in sober houses are on shaky ground. They are uncertain about their lives, their world, and their sobriety. If you expect the uncertainty, you won’t be surprised by it. They might not know their own emotions much less be able to predict yours.
You will Need to be Supportive of their Recovery
One of the most important things about dating someone in a sober house is that you need to be supportive of their recovery. If you cannot be supportive, do not date them. Most people who are in a sober house need the support and encouragement.
Watch Out for Manipulation
Unfortunately, people in the sober house stage of their recovery can be extremely manipulative. They might attempt to use their recovery as a catch all excuse for the mistakes that they make or for hurting you. Be careful of this.
Remember they had a Life and an Addiction before you
Expect emotional and sometimes physical baggage. Their life was not perfect before you. In a lot of ways this is exactly like many other types of relationships except that a person in a sober house brings addiction to the table as well.
Do Not Judge
You cannot be judgmental about their addiction if you are dating them. By judging them, you are creating an unrealistic standard for them. They are still in recovery and they are trying to get better.
Have Realistic Expectations
Understand that the person you are dating is working on themselves. This means that they will be focused on their needs and wants. Remember they will also have realistic expectations of you.
Remember Relapse is a Real Possibility
Unfortunately, many people, even those in sober houses, will relapse. You need to recognize the signs of potential relapse and know how to get them help when they need it. If you find yourself in a relationship with a relapsing addict, call us at 800-373-1667. We can help.